And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
