do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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