If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's get the cat blown out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
