I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
