Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
