I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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