there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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