my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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