if you like me you must not know who I am
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
