Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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