mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
