She just used a chaser for red wine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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