That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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