I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
