Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
