Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
