Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
