OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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