Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
