Say something about gay babies.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize