So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love you. Go after that dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
