Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
