You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
