can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
