I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
