I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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