I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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