I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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