i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
