I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
