My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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