At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
