i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
