maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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