Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
