Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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