I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
