Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
