Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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