Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
