Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
