Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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