I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
