I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
