I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
