sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize