she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
