She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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