chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
