it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My cat gives me a boner
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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