O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
