bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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