My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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