God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
be right there i have to get my cape
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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