I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
