Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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