so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
