My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
