You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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