I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
