I can tuck mytits in my pants
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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