I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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