I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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