Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
