I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
